helllllloooooo
this week went by really really fast!!!!
so let me recap it.
monday. mere and my last day in chungju, we go to lunch with erin and isaac and then we set out to go to Little Prince, a coffee shop that isaac and erin raved about. so we get a taxi and the guy firt takes us to Lotte Mart, apparently getting confused, and then calls the coffee shop, drives around for what seems like an hour, and heads out a dirty dusty road that obviously does not have a coffee shop on it.
oh but wait. it does. a beautiful modern coffee shop. that is completely empty of other guest. no kidding because its in the boonies right. it was very pretty, and very creepy at first. some guy ran to our taxi and carried our bags. it was obviously very awkward because we were the only ones on this huge property. he sits us down, gives us a menu, makes our drinks, and comes and talks to us in his cute broken english. and then he sits down next to us. his name is Legend. he pronounces it Regend. it was funny. then he drives us to the bus station. talk about service!!
tuesday we go shopping, again. after cody gets off work we go to Choenon. we get coffee and "dr. fish" where you stick your feet in this bathtub full of disgusting little fish and they eat all the dead skin...its really scary and gross, but pretty cool too. mere didn't really do it cuz she was so scared.
wednesday we go shopping, again again. grr...the clothes are just so cute!!! then cody and brad make me pork cutlets for my last night, i pack and go to bed.
thursday. we wake up at 6:15 to catch the bus at 7. we arrive in Seoul at 8, and get on the subway line. it was verrryyy confusing. then we are supposed to get off exit seven and see the Lotte Hotel. Exit 7...no hotel. we walk around for a minute, but its 920 by this time and we have to be there for the tour at 930. we ask, Lotte Hotel is a block away. but there is NOWAY to cross traffic. so we got a taxi. for a block. pretty ridiculous.
so we're starving right, we check in to the tour and it leaves at 950 sharp. sharp. so we have 20 minutes to find food in Seoul and be back in our seats. at 945 we finally found a Krispy Kreme, and the other end of the hotel. we are literally SPRINTING to catch the bus..but our tummys were satisfied.
so we go to the DMZ and it was SOOOOOOO cool. i mean really really cool. we have pictures of north koreans and we were taking them, and they were spying on us, and we got to see where they sit and talk rationally. this area is "neutral" but not really. there were a ton of rules like no ripped jeans, because the north koreans would use that as propaganda that south koreans are poor. and tennis shoes in case it get dangerous so people can run. there are also land mines all over so we can't leave the group. it wasn't as dangerous as it sounds though. just pretty cool.
so now i'm back, in the hostel. mere and i ate at pizza hut and now we're going to the seoul tower. i'm leaving for home tomorrow, so i'll see you all soon!!!!!
It is what it is
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
the weekend....in pictures
sooo, these pictures kinda are not the way i wanted them to be because i'm not very good at this but on saturday erin, mere and i went shopping. the fashion here is SO stinkin' cute, (you guys would all love it too) and relatively inexpensive, so it was a LOT of fun. then we met about 20 other meguks (american foreigners) and we drove for about 40 minutes to this tiny little town and they fed us traditional food (yum;) and we made arts and crafts, had tea, and watched a traditional concert
sunday we watched a 3 on 3 bball tournament all day. 3 balls Deep, our team, actually won the whole tournament. i kept score because korean girls aren't very good at it. it was a really fun day!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday:
10 AM: go to korean hip hop. three tall white girls are NOT good at korean hip hop. we were a hundred steps behind and sweating and bouncing like idiots. but all the korean girls loved us anyways. even though we disgraced their dance.
12 PM: went and ate Bimimbop. Its rice and veggies with a frying egg on it. it was okay...
2 PM: then we went to the lake. have i already talked about this? mere and i fell asleep on the ferry. hehe.
4 PM: mere and i took a nap. for 3 hours
7 PM: raided erin and isaac's food cupboards
8 PM: Erin and her director came and picked us up to go to Club 86 with her friends Woomi and Mary. The two older korean guys bought us a BUNCH of beer. i was getting soooo soooo tired. the guys bought me coffee to keep me up. then we went to NORABOMB...oh my gosh. Karoke, korean style. its in a private room with just your friends. it was SOOOOOO fun. i even did it.
3 AM: went back home, tried to finish a movie, and passed out.
FRIDAY.
11 AM: went to a TRADITIONAL market, where they were selling a bunch of foods and other random Korean things i'm sure are useful to Koreans. The market went oooonnn forever. There was a stand with puppies and kittens and rabbits, it was that saddest thing i've ever seen...i wanted to buy them all and set them free.
12 PM: lunch downtown with Ashley and Mary.
2 PM:Then Mere and I got a taxi to Jung ANG ta. the taxi driver taught us how to say it. he was really funny. he liked us a lot. so we went to this park with these museums and statues and we sat by the lake and that was nice. then we called our taxi driver to come pick us up.
4 PM: Nap. Quickly. Dinner near Isaac's school, with just Erin and Mere and I. It was really nice to have time to talk just the 3 of us.
8PM: Visit Isaacteacher's classroom. they asked us questions it was really fun
10:30 PM: went out. very fun. very tired. to JAZZ... amazing bar. very cute. i'm done now.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
chungju ju...like choo choo
here's a quick little post. so yesterday mere and i came to chungju. there was a little confusion in the train station because there is a cheongju and we didn't want to go there.....
so erin met us at the bus station and we went to her school and then went to this really great food place. we were the only ones there and the workers were VERY nice to us. maybe cuz we were three american girls. who knows.
then we went back to erin and isaacs apartment til they were done with work and isaac took us downtown for kiwi soju. TASTY..
today we went to the chungju lake. very very pretty. mere and i both fell asleep on the ferry. kind of embarrassing. so we went home and took a llooooonnnnggg nap. now we're making tea and toast. wanna join?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
whats train in korean?
hehehe. i love and hate korea all at once. its fun but i miss America. i've been trying new foods so thats good!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kimchi, and other things.
on monday we went to eat lunch at cody's school and it was really really difficult for me. there was a seaweed soup, red bean rice, eggs with shrimp, raw potatoes, and a really good salad. i ate everything..and there was nothing to drink to wash it down. i felt like i was on survivor.
after lunch mere and i went shopping in downtown anseong. it was really difficult because i hadn't changed my money over yet and we realized that NOWHERE in anseong accepts my debit card. after three banks, i just changed my american money and that was that. we went to the CUTEST store and i could have spent a lot a lot of money getting clothes. they are SOOOO my style..i love it. i refrained and got a dress shirt and a sweatshirt. i think i might go back though. that night we took a 2 hour nap (shopping does that for me ) then we ate some bogili (sp?) and went out for Brad's birthday..it was so good.
tuesday mere and i went to Suwon to the Folk Village. It was pretty fun. we watched three traditional Korean shows. One tightrope, one drum brigade, and one horse show. the horse one was my favorite. i'll post pics as sooon as the get off mere's camera.
we got home at like 7 and went out to dinner for brad's birthday again. dinner was good, traditional meat and rice, my favorite!!!!
today we're going to Chungju. i'll let you know how that goes!!
peace out. homes.
on monday we went to eat lunch at cody's school and it was really really difficult for me. there was a seaweed soup, red bean rice, eggs with shrimp, raw potatoes, and a really good salad. i ate everything..and there was nothing to drink to wash it down. i felt like i was on survivor.
after lunch mere and i went shopping in downtown anseong. it was really difficult because i hadn't changed my money over yet and we realized that NOWHERE in anseong accepts my debit card. after three banks, i just changed my american money and that was that. we went to the CUTEST store and i could have spent a lot a lot of money getting clothes. they are SOOOO my style..i love it. i refrained and got a dress shirt and a sweatshirt. i think i might go back though. that night we took a 2 hour nap (shopping does that for me ) then we ate some bogili (sp?) and went out for Brad's birthday..it was so good.
tuesday mere and i went to Suwon to the Folk Village. It was pretty fun. we watched three traditional Korean shows. One tightrope, one drum brigade, and one horse show. the horse one was my favorite. i'll post pics as sooon as the get off mere's camera.
we got home at like 7 and went out to dinner for brad's birthday again. dinner was good, traditional meat and rice, my favorite!!!!
today we're going to Chungju. i'll let you know how that goes!!
peace out. homes.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
KOREAN SPEAK.
I am in KOOOORRRREEEEEAAAAA...i've been wanting to post my plans to go to korea for a while now, but i've been surprising erin so it had to be sssshhh....
So i got in on thursday night after a LOOOONGG trip (i am using caps and multiple letters for a lot of words, i am very excited) to san fran, a 6 hour lay over and then a 12 hour plane trip. i watched 5 movies on the plane!!!
bride wars
the reader
last chance harvey
yes man, and
gran torino.
they were all very satisifying and time passing. so i got into seoul at about 530 thursday night (you lose a day) and waited for meredith who was supposed to be at my gate waiting for me. there was a little korean man with a sign that said meredith l. jaeger and kaeleen a. hylton. so i went to him and mere wasn't there. 30 minutes later i was FREAKING out. i was for sure she missed her plane because we loud speakered her but nothing. so we called cody and his director, and long story short, we found her. we got on a bus and got to Anseong at about 10....we ate some dumplings and went to bed...i was very very jet lagged. mere and i had both been up for about 35 hours. yikes.
on friday we mostly slept... it was so nice..then when cody and brad got off work they took us to dinner at a traditional place, it was pretty amazing. i even ate kimchi and liked it!!!
saturday we were drooling in anticipation for erin's arrival. she came at 2:30 and we couldn't wait for her to come!!!! so we were having a bbq outside so mere waited outside for her and i waited in the bedroom. when she got there mere said, come put your stuff away in this bedroom, and she opened the door and i was sitting on the bed...it was sooo fun!!!!!! she was screaming (well we all were) and she just made it so much of a better surprise.
so we had the bbq with a bunch of Chungju peeps and then we went out downtown and sunday we all just kinda relaxed and went and played basketball (i watched of course). today mere and i are going sunbathing and shopping. who knows whats next.
So i got in on thursday night after a LOOOONGG trip (i am using caps and multiple letters for a lot of words, i am very excited) to san fran, a 6 hour lay over and then a 12 hour plane trip. i watched 5 movies on the plane!!!
bride wars
the reader
last chance harvey
yes man, and
gran torino.
they were all very satisifying and time passing. so i got into seoul at about 530 thursday night (you lose a day) and waited for meredith who was supposed to be at my gate waiting for me. there was a little korean man with a sign that said meredith l. jaeger and kaeleen a. hylton. so i went to him and mere wasn't there. 30 minutes later i was FREAKING out. i was for sure she missed her plane because we loud speakered her but nothing. so we called cody and his director, and long story short, we found her. we got on a bus and got to Anseong at about 10....we ate some dumplings and went to bed...i was very very jet lagged. mere and i had both been up for about 35 hours. yikes.
on friday we mostly slept... it was so nice..then when cody and brad got off work they took us to dinner at a traditional place, it was pretty amazing. i even ate kimchi and liked it!!!
saturday we were drooling in anticipation for erin's arrival. she came at 2:30 and we couldn't wait for her to come!!!! so we were having a bbq outside so mere waited outside for her and i waited in the bedroom. when she got there mere said, come put your stuff away in this bedroom, and she opened the door and i was sitting on the bed...it was sooo fun!!!!!! she was screaming (well we all were) and she just made it so much of a better surprise.
so we had the bbq with a bunch of Chungju peeps and then we went out downtown and sunday we all just kinda relaxed and went and played basketball (i watched of course). today mere and i are going sunbathing and shopping. who knows whats next.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
50 things you don't really need to know about me because its pretty pointless
50 (yes fifty!!) things you've never been asked....copy/paste & share!!
Once you've been tagged, you have to answer this and tag people, including the person who tagged you.
1. What color is your toothbrush?pink and white and i have a purple and white one
2. Name one person who made you smile today: sean and brittany probably
3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? sleeping silly.
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? sitting out on the "patio" with britt
5. What is your favorite candy bar? peanut butter m&m's....does that count?
6. Have you ever been to a strip club? yes. they're um...interesting.
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? ya see ya.
8. What is your favorite ice cream? ben and jerry's half baked
9. What was the last thing you had to drink? iced tea yummy
10. Do you like your wallet? its the coolest thing ever. it used to just be silver, and then it faded into a leopard print.
11. What was the last thing you ate?jamaican jerk'ed chicken sandwich at work
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?not in a LOONG time. im saving for something special
13. The last sporting event you watched? the playoffs
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? ew. none? i like the salt and butter better.
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? eli i think
16. Ever go camping? ya i love camping. ya.
17. Do you take vitamins everyday? psshh. i don't do ANYTHING everyday.
18. Do you go to church every Sunday? used to. i'm on a hiatus.
19. Do you have a tan? kinda. i love it.
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? umm... good question. no.
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? if i have a straw i do.
22. What did your last text message say? the stuff will be fine too.
23. What are you doing tomorrow? working dayside.
26. What color is your watch? silver.
27. What do you think of when you hear Australia? um... shrimp and barby's. and dingo's and babies.
29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? i'm a little afraid of drive thru
30. What is your favorite number? 24, 17, 7
31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? Tara at work
32. Any plans today? showering is a priority.
33. How many states have you lived in? one. and england but thats a country
34. Biggest annoyance right now? no comment.
35. Last song listened to? the return of bruno.
36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? im sure i could figure it out
37. Do you have a maid clean your house? I WISH.
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? i prefer nekky feet
39. Are you jealous of anyone? yes. but i deal with it quite well
40. Is anyone jealous of you? pssh. they should be ;)
41. Do you love anyone? love my friends and family. obviously
42. Do any of your friends have children? yea of course.
43. What do you usually do during the day? work or school ...or a whole lot of nothing
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? i'm pretty mad at some of my friends
45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?...i probably say hi more.
46. What color is your car? black and ugly
47. Do you like cats? i love cats.
48. Are you thinking about someone right now? pssh. no.
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? i'm jones'n for another trip
50. How did you get your worst scar? i don't have many scars. i'm, one might say, careful
Once you've been tagged, you have to answer this and tag people, including the person who tagged you.
1. What color is your toothbrush?pink and white and i have a purple and white one
2. Name one person who made you smile today: sean and brittany probably
3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? sleeping silly.
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? sitting out on the "patio" with britt
5. What is your favorite candy bar? peanut butter m&m's....does that count?
6. Have you ever been to a strip club? yes. they're um...interesting.
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? ya see ya.
8. What is your favorite ice cream? ben and jerry's half baked
9. What was the last thing you had to drink? iced tea yummy
10. Do you like your wallet? its the coolest thing ever. it used to just be silver, and then it faded into a leopard print.
11. What was the last thing you ate?jamaican jerk'ed chicken sandwich at work
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?not in a LOONG time. im saving for something special
13. The last sporting event you watched? the playoffs
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? ew. none? i like the salt and butter better.
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? eli i think
16. Ever go camping? ya i love camping. ya.
17. Do you take vitamins everyday? psshh. i don't do ANYTHING everyday.
18. Do you go to church every Sunday? used to. i'm on a hiatus.
19. Do you have a tan? kinda. i love it.
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? umm... good question. no.
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? if i have a straw i do.
22. What did your last text message say? the stuff will be fine too.
23. What are you doing tomorrow? working dayside.
26. What color is your watch? silver.
27. What do you think of when you hear Australia? um... shrimp and barby's. and dingo's and babies.
29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? i'm a little afraid of drive thru
30. What is your favorite number? 24, 17, 7
31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone? Tara at work
32. Any plans today? showering is a priority.
33. How many states have you lived in? one. and england but thats a country
34. Biggest annoyance right now? no comment.
35. Last song listened to? the return of bruno.
36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? im sure i could figure it out
37. Do you have a maid clean your house? I WISH.
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? i prefer nekky feet
39. Are you jealous of anyone? yes. but i deal with it quite well
40. Is anyone jealous of you? pssh. they should be ;)
41. Do you love anyone? love my friends and family. obviously
42. Do any of your friends have children? yea of course.
43. What do you usually do during the day? work or school ...or a whole lot of nothing
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? i'm pretty mad at some of my friends
45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?...i probably say hi more.
46. What color is your car? black and ugly
47. Do you like cats? i love cats.
48. Are you thinking about someone right now? pssh. no.
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? i'm jones'n for another trip
50. How did you get your worst scar? i don't have many scars. i'm, one might say, careful
Friday, May 15, 2009
the paradox of me.
lately, i've been realizing how polar opposite i am from myself. now take a minute and think about this....
you see, that song "hot and cold" is the story of my life. One minute I am hot about something and one minute i'm not. I think one way, act another. One minute I feel like a very established student with professional attitudes, and the other I'm this punk ass rebellion trying to hang around as many losers as I can (no offense to my loser friends...nothing but love)...
Another way this has come up in my life is through this blog. You see, one of my very very best friends is Allison. like you freaks didn't know that :)...we've been friends for a LONG time, and she might know me better than anyone!...but I have this ridiculous tendency to censor myself from her. She's just so good and nice and I don't want her to have to have a friend who curses and tries to smoke cigarettes (tries mind you, and fails completely because they're disgusting) and who kisses lots of boys and gets drunk and makes bad decisions. She doesn't deserve to deal with a friend like that. SOOOO, i don't tell her those things. I shelter the poor girl....
on a side note, I'm not always this "bad" person. a lot of the time i'm a good girl and i know why I need to be a good girl and I have a good relationship with God. Granted right now I'm pretty mad at him so its not like we kick it a bunch, but you know, its still there. It could not be but it is so whatever.
i forget where i was going with this.
oh ya, so i screen things from allison, much like i would from my mom. you should feel special allison. heres the twist, alli's mom suscribed to my blog. When i saw that I had a mild panic attack. Because well, I said fuck in two blogs and hell and other mean things like wanting to key a car (not that i would do it but its the thought that counts) and I was like "kathy's going to hate me and never let me hang out with allison again)... and so i called allison and told her to apologize to me....and then kathy unsuscribed ..........and i felt like a piece of shit again!!!
you see, i should feel special that someone cares enough about me to suscribe to my blog so they can read about my life. i should love that my friend's MOM is interested in my story. and what do i do, push her away because i don't want to be judged. i don't want to feel bad.
um....story of my LIFE.
for instance, I push people away instantly so that they won't push me away later. I have this friend who I've been hanging out with and he was like "stop trying to make me hate you, its not going to work" i thought that was interesting...what did i do to make him hate me?
i yelled at him a lot.
i constantly tried to tell him the bad things about me.
i'd make up these elaborate plans to hurt him and then tell him.
how messed up is that?
its because i think i have split personalitites. one minute i'm this, the next i'm that. i think thats wierd. and basically, kathy....read my blog. get to know the real me. thanks for wanting to.
you see, that song "hot and cold" is the story of my life. One minute I am hot about something and one minute i'm not. I think one way, act another. One minute I feel like a very established student with professional attitudes, and the other I'm this punk ass rebellion trying to hang around as many losers as I can (no offense to my loser friends...nothing but love)...
Another way this has come up in my life is through this blog. You see, one of my very very best friends is Allison. like you freaks didn't know that :)...we've been friends for a LONG time, and she might know me better than anyone!...but I have this ridiculous tendency to censor myself from her. She's just so good and nice and I don't want her to have to have a friend who curses and tries to smoke cigarettes (tries mind you, and fails completely because they're disgusting) and who kisses lots of boys and gets drunk and makes bad decisions. She doesn't deserve to deal with a friend like that. SOOOO, i don't tell her those things. I shelter the poor girl....
on a side note, I'm not always this "bad" person. a lot of the time i'm a good girl and i know why I need to be a good girl and I have a good relationship with God. Granted right now I'm pretty mad at him so its not like we kick it a bunch, but you know, its still there. It could not be but it is so whatever.
i forget where i was going with this.
oh ya, so i screen things from allison, much like i would from my mom. you should feel special allison. heres the twist, alli's mom suscribed to my blog. When i saw that I had a mild panic attack. Because well, I said fuck in two blogs and hell and other mean things like wanting to key a car (not that i would do it but its the thought that counts) and I was like "kathy's going to hate me and never let me hang out with allison again)... and so i called allison and told her to apologize to me....and then kathy unsuscribed ..........and i felt like a piece of shit again!!!
you see, i should feel special that someone cares enough about me to suscribe to my blog so they can read about my life. i should love that my friend's MOM is interested in my story. and what do i do, push her away because i don't want to be judged. i don't want to feel bad.
um....story of my LIFE.
for instance, I push people away instantly so that they won't push me away later. I have this friend who I've been hanging out with and he was like "stop trying to make me hate you, its not going to work" i thought that was interesting...what did i do to make him hate me?
i yelled at him a lot.
i constantly tried to tell him the bad things about me.
i'd make up these elaborate plans to hurt him and then tell him.
how messed up is that?
its because i think i have split personalitites. one minute i'm this, the next i'm that. i think thats wierd. and basically, kathy....read my blog. get to know the real me. thanks for wanting to.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
its like when you are so excited to go to the beach, but deep down you still know theres going to be annoying sand in your shoes when you leave.
so im in a new house...thats pretty exciting. its 40 blocks in from britt's old house, still on lincoln and i absolutely love it...not so much the actual house but the location and the fact that its partially MY house, i'm not just an extended guest. thats the absolute worse. i still live with brittany and now with her best friend from high school erin who is really cool and relaxed, we get along quite well...
school is over for the semester but im not sure if i'm going back. you see, i didn't enjoy it that much last semester and i questioned its relevance often. to make matters worse, i got this email from the school's director saying "you're semester performance has raised concerns" and "we'd like to talk about your future here at LC" are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!? so far i've gotten an A and a B and those were my two worse classes, so i'm not sure what the hell they are talking about. it is so annoying and i'm pretty much over it. LC is NOT UP. end of story. everytime I email a professor it takes days to get a reply back, if i ever even get one! at UP i'd have a reply in minutes (i MAY be exaggerating but not really)....and the classes were relevant to the major, and they cared about me and my performance, unlike LC.
ugh. i don't want to be kicked out of school lol.
i miss you guys who aren't in america. a lot. come home please. thanks. we have an extra bedroom. which can serve as a great guest bedroom while you all live at home and come and visit portland every weekend AND when you're ready to move back it can serve as a room room. yep. i need you to come back. thanks. and that goes for all of you. don't think you aren't included because you are.
eloise sometimes sits on command. isn't that cool....i think so.
i've been pretty sad lately. i really miss my mom, gramma and uncle bruce. its funny because i wasn't really speaking to my gramma which makes this process worse, and i wish i would have gotten on better terms with her and bruce, but things just happen the way they happen don't they. no one would believe that i've lost 3 people in 7 months. so wierd. pretty horrible too. sometimes i just want to curl up in a ball and let myself unravel but i feel like if i unravel i'll never be able to put the pieces back together. like humpty dumpty. i'd be broken.
but i'm not broken, just numb. numb to school, numb to work. i have realized that i take the path to least resistance in everything i do now. i never used to be like that. i just don't want difficult. period.
i want rebellion. i've always kinda been like that, but that innate temptation is amplified. watch out. i might key your car or egg your house.
school is over for the semester but im not sure if i'm going back. you see, i didn't enjoy it that much last semester and i questioned its relevance often. to make matters worse, i got this email from the school's director saying "you're semester performance has raised concerns" and "we'd like to talk about your future here at LC" are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!? so far i've gotten an A and a B and those were my two worse classes, so i'm not sure what the hell they are talking about. it is so annoying and i'm pretty much over it. LC is NOT UP. end of story. everytime I email a professor it takes days to get a reply back, if i ever even get one! at UP i'd have a reply in minutes (i MAY be exaggerating but not really)....and the classes were relevant to the major, and they cared about me and my performance, unlike LC.
ugh. i don't want to be kicked out of school lol.
i miss you guys who aren't in america. a lot. come home please. thanks. we have an extra bedroom. which can serve as a great guest bedroom while you all live at home and come and visit portland every weekend AND when you're ready to move back it can serve as a room room. yep. i need you to come back. thanks. and that goes for all of you. don't think you aren't included because you are.
eloise sometimes sits on command. isn't that cool....i think so.
i've been pretty sad lately. i really miss my mom, gramma and uncle bruce. its funny because i wasn't really speaking to my gramma which makes this process worse, and i wish i would have gotten on better terms with her and bruce, but things just happen the way they happen don't they. no one would believe that i've lost 3 people in 7 months. so wierd. pretty horrible too. sometimes i just want to curl up in a ball and let myself unravel but i feel like if i unravel i'll never be able to put the pieces back together. like humpty dumpty. i'd be broken.
but i'm not broken, just numb. numb to school, numb to work. i have realized that i take the path to least resistance in everything i do now. i never used to be like that. i just don't want difficult. period.
i want rebellion. i've always kinda been like that, but that innate temptation is amplified. watch out. i might key your car or egg your house.
Monday, April 13, 2009
this is me and fred in south dakota. i went to this theme park when I was a baby with my mom and sis and bro....and again now. i thought it was pretty symbolic. So i'm procrastinating right now. too much homework. ew ew ew. good news is i feel like i actually have a grip on what to do. so THATS good.
and then my first semester of grad school will be over!!!!
i'm looking for spanish schools this summer, because i'm determined to learn.
did i tell you all (im not sure who reads this. mostly me and my sister probably. and mere is a follower. thanks mere)...anyways did i tell you that i'm reading Twilight in spanish? well i am. and i ACTUALLY understand most of it. seriously.
i would like to know what twitter is. i'm not going to do it. but i'd like to know what its about.
o ya, that first pic of me...this is me falling on ice. i was sore for 3 days. it hurt so bad, but i was laughing so much cuz i'm so clumsy lol. yes i said clumsy because i'm trying really hard not to say words like *stupid* *retarded* and *dumb*. i don't like those words anymore.
fuck is okay though. j/k.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
rip gma
So I'm at the hotel in Newcastle. Mylee's finally asleep. I obviously have been having a hard time sleeping A. because i always do and B. because its an hour earlier here. so there's no way i'm super tired at 10:47 right?
I feel like we've been here for weeks, for months. Its so different from Oregon. Its just so different. To be honest with you, I don't know how Gramma did it. or anyone else that lives in Wyoming. I have to live in a town that has a coffee stand. And thats just the end of the story.
The memorial service was yesterday. I didn't think I'd cry, but obviously I did. Gramma and I had a special relationship that no one will know about. No one. And I just feel like my relationship with her was swept under the rug when she moved to Denver. All I hear about is "Denver Gramma"... so now there's "denver gramma" "grief-stricken gramma" and "my gramma". I really miss "my gramma"....
The two people that raised me are dead. It makes me feel so lost sometimes. I think really, I'm okay, and I'll be okay,..but I feel like a part of me isn't there anymore. Looking back at all the big moments of my life and it was me, gramma and mom. They're both gone...it makes me wonder who I am without them.
At least there's my sister. She means everything. She always has, but now moreso than ever. My heart breaks for her though. She hates it here and I don't blame her. Gramma never liked her. I can't even imagine Gramma not liking me. Mylee grew up thinking this. Its sad she feels like she has to defend herself. I'd feel like that too. Mylee would do anything for her family. More than me. More than JR. More than pretty much anyone. Its really stupid to think otherwise.
Mylee had Bob.
I had Gramma.
Neither of us had both.
Anyways, I'm really really tired of all this bullshit. I just want to be a normal kid doing normal things. I hope that happens soon. You know whats good though? Two of the people that would be the hardest to let go of have already gone. It can't get much worse.
I think its only gunna get better. One of these days I'll look at the postives of these things. Not right now. I feel justified in being angry. But one of these days.
I feel like we've been here for weeks, for months. Its so different from Oregon. Its just so different. To be honest with you, I don't know how Gramma did it. or anyone else that lives in Wyoming. I have to live in a town that has a coffee stand. And thats just the end of the story.
The memorial service was yesterday. I didn't think I'd cry, but obviously I did. Gramma and I had a special relationship that no one will know about. No one. And I just feel like my relationship with her was swept under the rug when she moved to Denver. All I hear about is "Denver Gramma"... so now there's "denver gramma" "grief-stricken gramma" and "my gramma". I really miss "my gramma"....
The two people that raised me are dead. It makes me feel so lost sometimes. I think really, I'm okay, and I'll be okay,..but I feel like a part of me isn't there anymore. Looking back at all the big moments of my life and it was me, gramma and mom. They're both gone...it makes me wonder who I am without them.
At least there's my sister. She means everything. She always has, but now moreso than ever. My heart breaks for her though. She hates it here and I don't blame her. Gramma never liked her. I can't even imagine Gramma not liking me. Mylee grew up thinking this. Its sad she feels like she has to defend herself. I'd feel like that too. Mylee would do anything for her family. More than me. More than JR. More than pretty much anyone. Its really stupid to think otherwise.
Mylee had Bob.
I had Gramma.
Neither of us had both.
Anyways, I'm really really tired of all this bullshit. I just want to be a normal kid doing normal things. I hope that happens soon. You know whats good though? Two of the people that would be the hardest to let go of have already gone. It can't get much worse.
I think its only gunna get better. One of these days I'll look at the postives of these things. Not right now. I feel justified in being angry. But one of these days.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
i talked to erin today
im talking to ERIN right now and I am so happy!!!!! we're talking on facebook chat or whatever its called...i've never talked to anyone on it before and im ELATED that we get to talk! meredith if your reading this i want you to get on facebook during the same time that i am. thanks dudine.
:)...i just want to do emoticons all over this page.
so today at work was a rough one..i got really angry at everything and i have a hard time separating a particularly angry moment into other moments....for instance...i was mad at this DUMB girl who wanted "different" nachos then the ones she ordered...so i was scowling and sayward asked what was wrong...and i rolled my eyes at her and was like "why do you care"..omg i'm such a bitch. i just didn't think she was truly asking she was just being nosy lol...hopefully she doesn't read this and get really offended..i'm sure she won't.
this isn't going to be very long cuz i have class ....boring class...but at least they bring food in it...
its valentines day this saturday :) i don't know why i'm smiling its not like i have plans....well i do but its to work all day and night. don't worry, i'm not spitting animosity because i don't have a date..its just not a deal to me. remember all you fine folks who were involved, when we went to the Vagina Monologues? that was a good vday....and last year i had a date....so no biggie... i bet there will be a lot of little kids on dates who think "going out to dinner" means "going to red robin"...yikes.
k thats all for now peeps.
:)...i just want to do emoticons all over this page.
so today at work was a rough one..i got really angry at everything and i have a hard time separating a particularly angry moment into other moments....for instance...i was mad at this DUMB girl who wanted "different" nachos then the ones she ordered...so i was scowling and sayward asked what was wrong...and i rolled my eyes at her and was like "why do you care"..omg i'm such a bitch. i just didn't think she was truly asking she was just being nosy lol...hopefully she doesn't read this and get really offended..i'm sure she won't.
this isn't going to be very long cuz i have class ....boring class...but at least they bring food in it...
its valentines day this saturday :) i don't know why i'm smiling its not like i have plans....well i do but its to work all day and night. don't worry, i'm not spitting animosity because i don't have a date..its just not a deal to me. remember all you fine folks who were involved, when we went to the Vagina Monologues? that was a good vday....and last year i had a date....so no biggie... i bet there will be a lot of little kids on dates who think "going out to dinner" means "going to red robin"...yikes.
k thats all for now peeps.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The RETURN...
oops, i started this blog thing before i knew i wouldn't be very good at it :/ not that i can't write, but more because i don't have time too.
scratch that. i have the time. i don't have the motivation. i really wanted this to be a cool blog, so i felt pressured to only write cool things. then i realized i'm just not that cool. so instead, i'm going to write me things and pretend they are cool. now thats cool :)...
i started school a few weeks ago. i have this tendency to always feel out of place even if everyone is out of place which is annoying because i'm really just inhibiting a friendship that COULD happen, but instead i am just convincing myself that they already don't like me. but i've made one friend Eli. like ellie (like my dog, and i told her she has the same name as my dog and she was okay with that, and then i knew we would be friends)...anyways she's going to teach me spanish. Si.
i've cried now in THREE of my classes. its so embarassing and awful, and i just can't help it!! the first time was when we were all introducing ourselves and telling stories about how we got here, and i was like "don't cry don't cry" and then i started talking and my voice cracked and i lost it. so then i had to explain WHY i lost it and lost it more. luckily, everyone there is going to school to be a counselor, so they were all very understanding. k, then the next week in the same class a guest speaker started talking about how the most messed up people are those people with "mom issues" and i was like "don't cry don't cry" (sound familiar) and i teared up and had to disract myself. yikes. then the next day, my class started talking about how they have the cure for cancer and they aren't giving it out so they can get more money or some crap, all i heard was "cancer cancer cancer die die die"... and one tear was shed. thats all tho, i was pretty proud about that!
so that makes me sound like i've lost it but i haven't! for some reason i'm just emotional at school i guess. no where else. well besides like my bed at home or in the shower or other normal spots. but class time when you're like taking notes...um not appropriate. how am i supposed to make friends when i'm crying everywhere!?!?!!?
so i'm living with brittany and justin and thats cool and all. i don't feel like i have a home, but i'm sure that will change once i've like moved my stuff in. you know what it feels like to not be at home? like nothing is yours and you're borrowing EVERYTHING. ..its like when you've stayed at your friends house just a night too long and you have to ask where the garbage can is and you don't feel like you can clean the kitchen or get a glass of water at midnight or take a shower without permission??
i'd start writing about my "love" life but i'm not sure how much the "bloggy" world needs to know about it. i quoted two words in one sentence. i'm pretty sure all you english majors would be pretty irked about that. lol. and that too.
k well i should stop now so that i don't feel overwhelmed the next time i want to blog.
p.s...happy february..
oops, i started this blog thing before i knew i wouldn't be very good at it :/ not that i can't write, but more because i don't have time too.
scratch that. i have the time. i don't have the motivation. i really wanted this to be a cool blog, so i felt pressured to only write cool things. then i realized i'm just not that cool. so instead, i'm going to write me things and pretend they are cool. now thats cool :)...
i started school a few weeks ago. i have this tendency to always feel out of place even if everyone is out of place which is annoying because i'm really just inhibiting a friendship that COULD happen, but instead i am just convincing myself that they already don't like me. but i've made one friend Eli. like ellie (like my dog, and i told her she has the same name as my dog and she was okay with that, and then i knew we would be friends)...anyways she's going to teach me spanish. Si.
i've cried now in THREE of my classes. its so embarassing and awful, and i just can't help it!! the first time was when we were all introducing ourselves and telling stories about how we got here, and i was like "don't cry don't cry" and then i started talking and my voice cracked and i lost it. so then i had to explain WHY i lost it and lost it more. luckily, everyone there is going to school to be a counselor, so they were all very understanding. k, then the next week in the same class a guest speaker started talking about how the most messed up people are those people with "mom issues" and i was like "don't cry don't cry" (sound familiar) and i teared up and had to disract myself. yikes. then the next day, my class started talking about how they have the cure for cancer and they aren't giving it out so they can get more money or some crap, all i heard was "cancer cancer cancer die die die"... and one tear was shed. thats all tho, i was pretty proud about that!
so that makes me sound like i've lost it but i haven't! for some reason i'm just emotional at school i guess. no where else. well besides like my bed at home or in the shower or other normal spots. but class time when you're like taking notes...um not appropriate. how am i supposed to make friends when i'm crying everywhere!?!?!!?
so i'm living with brittany and justin and thats cool and all. i don't feel like i have a home, but i'm sure that will change once i've like moved my stuff in. you know what it feels like to not be at home? like nothing is yours and you're borrowing EVERYTHING. ..its like when you've stayed at your friends house just a night too long and you have to ask where the garbage can is and you don't feel like you can clean the kitchen or get a glass of water at midnight or take a shower without permission??
i'd start writing about my "love" life but i'm not sure how much the "bloggy" world needs to know about it. i quoted two words in one sentence. i'm pretty sure all you english majors would be pretty irked about that. lol. and that too.
k well i should stop now so that i don't feel overwhelmed the next time i want to blog.
p.s...happy february..
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