its like when you are so excited to go to the beach, but deep down you still know theres going to be annoying sand in your shoes when you leave.

so im in a new house...thats pretty exciting. its 40 blocks in from britt's old house, still on lincoln and i absolutely love it...not so much the actual house but the location and the fact that its partially MY house, i'm not just an extended guest. thats the absolute worse. i still live with brittany and now with her best friend from high school erin who is really cool and relaxed, we get along quite well...

school is over for the semester but im not sure if i'm going back. you see, i didn't enjoy it that much last semester and i questioned its relevance often. to make matters worse, i got this email from the school's director saying "you're semester performance has raised concerns" and "we'd like to talk about your future here at LC" are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!? so far i've gotten an A and a B and those were my two worse classes, so i'm not sure what the hell they are talking about. it is so annoying and i'm pretty much over it. LC is NOT UP. end of story. everytime I email a professor it takes days to get a reply back, if i ever even get one! at UP i'd have a reply in minutes (i MAY be exaggerating but not really)....and the classes were relevant to the major, and they cared about me and my performance, unlike LC.

ugh. i don't want to be kicked out of school lol.


i miss you guys who aren't in america. a lot. come home please. thanks. we have an extra bedroom. which can serve as a great guest bedroom while you all live at home and come and visit portland every weekend AND when you're ready to move back it can serve as a room room. yep. i need you to come back. thanks. and that goes for all of you. don't think you aren't included because you are.


eloise sometimes sits on command. isn't that cool....i think so.

i've been pretty sad lately. i really miss my mom, gramma and uncle bruce. its funny because i wasn't really speaking to my gramma which makes this process worse, and i wish i would have gotten on better terms with her and bruce, but things just happen the way they happen don't they. no one would believe that i've lost 3 people in 7 months. so wierd. pretty horrible too. sometimes i just want to curl up in a ball and let myself unravel but i feel like if i unravel i'll never be able to put the pieces back together. like humpty dumpty. i'd be broken.

but i'm not broken, just numb. numb to school, numb to work. i have realized that i take the path to least resistance in everything i do now. i never used to be like that. i just don't want difficult. period.

i want rebellion. i've always kinda been like that, but that innate temptation is amplified. watch out. i might key your car or egg your house.