The RETURN...
oops, i started this blog thing before i knew i wouldn't be very good at it :/ not that i can't write, but more because i don't have time too.

scratch that. i have the time. i don't have the motivation. i really wanted this to be a cool blog, so i felt pressured to only write cool things. then i realized i'm just not that cool. so instead, i'm going to write me things and pretend they are cool. now thats cool :)...

i started school a few weeks ago. i have this tendency to always feel out of place even if everyone is out of place which is annoying because i'm really just inhibiting a friendship that COULD happen, but instead i am just convincing myself that they already don't like me. but i've made one friend Eli. like ellie (like my dog, and i told her she has the same name as my dog and she was okay with that, and then i knew we would be friends)...anyways she's going to teach me spanish. Si.

i've cried now in THREE of my classes. its so embarassing and awful, and i just can't help it!! the first time was when we were all introducing ourselves and telling stories about how we got here, and i was like "don't cry don't cry" and then i started talking and my voice cracked and i lost it. so then i had to explain WHY i lost it and lost it more. luckily, everyone there is going to school to be a counselor, so they were all very understanding. k, then the next week in the same class a guest speaker started talking about how the most messed up people are those people with "mom issues" and i was like "don't cry don't cry" (sound familiar) and i teared up and had to disract myself. yikes. then the next day, my class started talking about how they have the cure for cancer and they aren't giving it out so they can get more money or some crap, all i heard was "cancer cancer cancer die die die"... and one tear was shed. thats all tho, i was pretty proud about that!

so that makes me sound like i've lost it but i haven't! for some reason i'm just emotional at school i guess. no where else. well besides like my bed at home or in the shower or other normal spots. but class time when you're like taking notes...um not appropriate. how am i supposed to make friends when i'm crying everywhere!?!?!!?

so i'm living with brittany and justin and thats cool and all. i don't feel like i have a home, but i'm sure that will change once i've like moved my stuff in. you know what it feels like to not be at home? like nothing is yours and you're borrowing EVERYTHING. ..its like when you've stayed at your friends house just a night too long and you have to ask where the garbage can is and you don't feel like you can clean the kitchen or get a glass of water at midnight or take a shower without permission??

i'd start writing about my "love" life but i'm not sure how much the "bloggy" world needs to know about it. i quoted two words in one sentence. i'm pretty sure all you english majors would be pretty irked about that. lol. and that too.

k well i should stop now so that i don't feel overwhelmed the next time i want to blog.

p.s...happy february..