it is what it is

SO... this is my first post of my first blog. congratulations me. I named my blog it is what it is because that has been the motto I have lived by for about the past year. Those 5 simple words actually mean quite a lot to me.

It is my replacement phrase for "things happen for a reason."....oooh I HATE that phrase. That is a stupid, uncomforting, cold, hard phrase that does absolutley nothing except make the person that things are happening to feel horrible about themselves!.. so when shitty things have been happening to me and people say that as a comforting phrase I have to hold back from spitting on them..I'm NOT kidding.

But it is what it is came into my life, I felt a sense of relief. The words aren't trying to comfort me. They're not trying to make bad things go away. They just remind me that what's happened has already happened. It's done. I MUST deal. DEAL DEAL DEAL. yuck yuck yuck.

All my friends are basically in another country. Mere and Hdizzle are in Switzerland (abbreviated Sland from here on out) Erin, Isaac, and Cody are in Korea (no abbreviation because K is my name and Kor sounds stupid)...well thats actually all. But that seems like a lot to me. Janet and Kelly are in Portland (yay). Laurel and Anna are in Ptown (double yay). and Allison and Melissa are in Flo (triple yay). Oh and Eloise is where ever I am (yay yay yay yay)...(because quadruple is too long of a word). Anyways the point of this story is that sometimes I feel very alone because my friends are scattered all over the place...but then again, I'm all over the place as well.

So I've started this blog because I need something as a form of release. You see, life has been quite sucky for me lately. And I feel like often times I can't talk about it because people do NOT know how to deal with sad people (myself included...damn I don't even know how to deal with me!) So if I just vent on this dumb computer I won't be mad at everyone because they can't muster the courage to talk to me in fear my dead mom will come up in conversation, or those people who don't know me and come up and start talking about my dead mom to me and how sad THEY are that she died and how much THEY miss her and then I'm forced to comfort them because what else can I do? Or I won't be mad at my brother and sister because we all try to act like nothing is wrong to protect eachother so we've become this reclusive, clammed up, sad family. but I like to say...it is what it is. lol.

So welcome. enjoy. if you can't handle my deep dark secrets just close the page (i'm kidding, its not going to be like that).